Command-Z

Yesterday I wrote off my car. Thankfully no-one was hurt and no other cars were involved. It was simply a  stupid mistake that led to me driving over a bollard and crashing into a street sign. Despite only going 10-15mph the impact crumpled the front of the car and the radiator blew. We were advised to send the car for salvage as the repairs needed would be more than the value of the car itself. It happened as I panicked turning off of a roundabout on an A-road. The husband was telling me that my gear change had popped out and gone into neutral at the very same time I looked up at the sign and saw a blue arrow with 'M5'. Thinking he was telling me I was leaving at the wrong exit I tried to turn the car right to stay on the roundabout but ended up mounting the central reservation instead. It feels like a minute went by before I managed to find the break pedal but it couldn't have been more than two seconds and by that time we'd hit the sign.

The baby in the back started wailing. I joined in. The husband grabbed my arm asking if I was ok. A man suddenly appeared at the window saying he was driving a few cars behind us and seen what had happened. He ushered us over the road where his wife was waiting and she let me and Florence sit in her car to calm down. The husband and the very helpful gentleman pushed the car across the road to a safe spot where the damage to the front of the car became evident. Whilst the husband was on the phone with the insurance company our saviours, Dawn and Phil helped to reassure me and calm me down. They gave  us a lift to Bristol airport which was around the corner where we sat and had a restorative cup of tea. Their kindness overwhelmed me, but as Phil said, 'it would be a sad day if we hadn't have stopped.' A wonderful mantra.

It took over four hours for a company to come and pick up the battered car. Ever so irritatingly our insurance didn't cover transport for us so we were left to get the bus into Bristol to catch the train back home. Our destination for the day was meant to be the infamous Bristol International Balloon Fiesta to see the sky populated with a host of brightly coloured hot-air balloons and for the Red Arrows flying display. Quiet and Mournful during our bus trip to the station our spirits were lifted when we caught the Red Arrows zooming and looping all around us, pillar box red against a pure blue sky (oh... the photographic and blogging potential...!)

All day long I was thinking of my stupid mistake and how it changed the direction of a day that had so much potential. I came to the conclusion that my generation, living in the presence of a virtual world for as much of the time as the real one, cannot comprehend the consequences of our actions. We are so used to (command-z) 'undo' when we make a mistake. When I hit the street sign, command-z, in fact, command-z back to changing gear correctly and having the time to see that I was taking the right exit after all. But not in this world. I had to see out the consequences of my action: waiting by the roadside, waiting for four hours entertaining a grumpy toddler, catching the bus and train with all our belongings from the car, tired, hungry and upset. Getting home to call the parents and letting them know what had happened. Then walking 30 minutes to the police station still without having dinner to report the crushed bollard and knowing that I was wasting really valuable police time and resources. And most importantly writing off a car that we had only had a week after my mother-in-law had very kindly given us it.

So what next? I've still not passed my test and have a lesson booked this week and a test looming so I must get back on the horse and carry on. It is a very uneasy feeling knowing that my mistake has inconvenienced us greatly and I know I will learn from this all but today it still feels a bit raw.

(command-z)

I know I will learn from this and after writing this post I think I am seeing things more clearly already.